Hazbin Hotel

thumb|Inside of every demon is a lost cause. Hazbin Hotel is a 2019 adult animated musical black comedy web series created by Vivienne Medrano. The series focuses on the Princess of Hell, Charlie Morningstar, trying to start a hotel where she can rehabilitate and redeem human souls to go to Heaven. Season 1 thumb|Look. If you've got a problem, you're not gonna find the answer at the bottom of a bottle. I should know, I've been looking there a long time. That's Entertainment (Pilot) [After Charlie sings about the hotel] Audience Member: Wow. That was shit. Angel Dust: Oh, harder, daddy. Sir Pentious: [gasp] Son? Alastor: Hello- [Charlie slams the door then opens it again] -o! Charlie: Uh, Vaggie, the radio demon is here? What should I do? Angel Dust: Uh, who? Vaggie: Well- don't let him in! [Charlie opens the door again] Alastor: May I speak now? Charlie: You may. [Alastor barges in, enthusiastically shaking hands with Charlie] Alastor: Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco in the picture show, and I just couldn't resist! What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock-market crash of 1929! [laughs] So many orphans. [Vaggie gets in front of Alastor, pointing a spear at him] Vaggie: Stop right there! I know your game. And I am not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, edgo-shitlord. [Alastor laughs this off, lowering the spear] Alastor: Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here, [stares] I would have done so already. Alastor: And what can you do, my effeminate fellow? Angel Dust: I can suck your dick. Alastor: Ha! No. Angel Dust: Your loss. Overture Angel Dust: If Freaky-Face over there is so powerful, why can't he just make people stay here? Alastor: Oh, trust me, I can. Husk: Why do ya think I'm here? You don't actually think I'd be here scrubbing bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he [Alastor] wasn't forcing me? Nifty: I like being forced. Husk: Keep that to yourself, Nif. Angel Dust: What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers? Husk: Call me Whiskers again, and I'll jam that bottle down your throat. Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty. Adam, The First Man: Call me dickmaster. Radio Killed the Video Star Vox: Velvette, I can see you're busy. Tell me, where's our hot-headed friend now? Velvette: Up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down. Vox: [sighs] And uh, what's got him so out of sorts today? Velvette: Who knows? But he tore up my best model! And you know, the show can't wait for that unlucky bitch to pull herself back together. MELISSA! GET OVER HERE! [Melissa comes unto platform and Velvette uses magic to change her outfit several times] No. No. Hideous. I want to die. Eww. [gasp] Yes! That's the one. Valentino: Fuckin' finally! [to a Fizzarolli robot] Kitty, another drink! Can you believe what that piece of shit did? The ungrateful WHORE! Vox: Um, which whore are we talking about this time? Valentino: Fucking Angel Dust! Who the Hell else would I be talking about?! That fucking slut! Walked out on me. ME! I fucking MADE him! Without me, he's just a bag of meat with some mildly entertaining holes. Vox: Oh, Angel quit? Valentino: NO! He didn't fuckin' quit! It's worse! He MOVED! He thinks he can just walk in here, work and then go somewhere else?! Can you FUCKIN' believe that?! He thinks he can run off and shack up with Lucifer's bimbo daughter. Vox: Angel is... living with Lucifer's daughter, now? Valentino: Yeah, that bitch Chalkie, Chandler or... I dunno, somethin' mannish like that. She's got this hotel, and- which of these makes me look sexier? [turns around hefting a pair of handguns, one gold and one pink] Vox: What are you doing, Val? You're not going over there. Valentino: That slippery twink is going to remember who owns him. I'm gonna fuck everyone in that rancid shithole, I swear to God- Vox: VAL... Think about it. Our brand, is perfection. And, what do you think chasing whores around town will... do to our image? Valentino: Uh... fuck it up? Vox: Riiiight. Do you want people thinking you... can't control your employees? Valentino: No! Vox: Exactly! And hey, you've still got him under contract; he isn't going anywhere. So, you should... Valentino: Do nothing? Vox: Great idea! Now, that's why they pay you the big bucks. Valentino: [grumbles] Well, I really wanted to shoot someone. Vox: Well, let me call up the lowest earners this month. Valentino: Oh, you know me too well. You know, Angel isn't the only one spending time at this ratty hotel with the Devil's princessa. Vox: Oh, who else is there? Someone who... owes you money? Valentino: Someone who owes us much more than money. The Radio Demon is there. Vox: What did you just say? Valentino: You heard me. Vox: Alastor... came back... and he is with Lucifer's daughter...and THAT WASN'T THE FIRST FUCKING THING YOU TOLD ME?! Valentino: Hey, killing Alastor is your kink. Alastor: Let's begin. I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone, tune on in When I'm done, your status quo will know its race is run, oh this will be fun Angel Dust: So, how'd it go? Vaggie: [sighs] Not a single recruit. Angel Dust: Yeah, well, who'd want ta not use their last days fucking an' fightin'? [Vaggie hears a knock at the door and answers it to reveal Sir Pentious] Sir Pentious: Well, hello, my dear- Waitwaitwait, I come in peace! Vaggie: What are you doing here?! Charlie Morningstar: Vaggie, what's the problem- [gasps] Oh! Hello again! Sir Pentious: I didn't come looking for a fight. I, uh, I heard that you're helping people. People who want...to be better? Charlie Morningstar: You heard right! Welcome to our home of healing, our resort of restoration, our- Angel Dust: Are you fuckin' nuts? This chump was tryin' to kill us, like, literally six hours ago. And now you wanna bring him in here, to live with us? Charlie Morningstar: Absolutely! This place is about second chances. And who deserves one more than this...slithery... slippery... special little man? Angel Dust: [to Vaggie] Aren't you supposed to protect this place? Vaggie: [sighs] I... guess he's not much of a threat without the war machine or even with the war machine. Charlie Morningstar: Ohh, thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! Sir Pentious, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! Sir Pentious: Ohh, no, darling, thank you. You won't regret this. Angel Dust: I give ya a week, tops. Charlie Morningstar: So- this is the bar, and the bartender. This is the curtain, and this is the new wall, after you broke the last one, hehe. And, oh, this is- Vaggie: Babe, you don't have to show him every detail. Charlie Morningstar: Sorry, I'm just so excited to have our first real guest. Angel Dust: Uh, what the Hell am I, then? Charlie Morningstar: Well, you're an important part of our family here, Angel. But, you, erm, uh... Vaggie: Constantly make us look bad, sexually harrass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve. Charlie Morningstar: What she means is, it's just nice to have someone interested, for once. Over here, we have our maid, Niffty. Niffty: Ooo, the bad boy is back. Never leave me again. Charlie Morningstar: We're about 80% sure she's harmless. And over here, we have- Oh! Uh, Alastor, our gracious facility manager. You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious? [laughs] Alastor: Ah, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat. I definitely remember you now. Charlie Morningstar: Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson. Ahem: How To Apologize. The first step to becoming a better person, is to admit when you are wrong. Why don't you give it a try? Sir Pentious: Yes, um... Mr., um, Radio Demon, sir. Please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat. Um... here. [hands Alastor the shred of coat he tore off previously] Alastor: Oho. Not many people have been able to take even this much off of me. It must have meant quite a lot to you. [he incinerates it] Scrambled Eggs Masquerade Angel Dust: [groans] I need a drink. The hardest you can make. Husk: You look like shit. Angel Dust: Not possible. Just a long shoot. [drinks] I said a strong one. Husk: Excuse me. Didn't realize this was a drink-to-forget kind of night. Angel Dust: Oh I forgot. You're the "wise old bartender who's seen it all". Get the fuck over yourself and pour me a real drink. Husk: Look. If you've got a problem, you're not gonna find the answer at the bottom of a bottle. I should know, I've been looking there a long time. Husk: You just let people drug you all the time? Angel Dust: You think I ask for it? I don't ask for any of this shit! I didn't ask to be this way! I didn't ask for Charlie to save me, I didn't ask for you to save me. I can handle myself. Husk: Really? Because I just saw someone self-destructing. It seems like, I don't know, you might need a bartender to talk to. Angel Dust: Oh, so now you're gonna act like you give a shit about me? You think after how you treated me, I'm gonna open up to you? Please. Husk: Maybe I'd treat you better if you were real and not some bullshit version of yourself, always pushin' my boundaries. Lemme tell ya, nobody in that hotel cares who you are. How famous, how hot, so you might as well just cut the act. Angel Dust: It's not an act! It's who I need to be! [gestures to the bars and clubs around them] And this? This is my escape! Where I can forget about it all, how much I hate everything. A place where I can get high and not have to think about how much it hurts. And maybe, if I can ruin myself enough in the process, if I end up broken, I won't be his favorite toy anymore and maybe he'll let me go. Husk: I was an Overlord once, you know. Yeah. And it was nice to have that power. But when you're dealin' in souls while also being a gambler, the stakes are pretty high. And losing a few hands, can be more than a little dangerous. So when you're down on your luck, you turn to anything to keep you afloat. Even makin' deals yourself. So I' know what it's like to regret the choices made and knowing you can't take it back. Dad Beat Dad Lucifer, King of Hell: [upon being asked if he knows Alastor] Hmm. No. Guess that's why Charlie called it the "Has-Been Hotel". [laughs] Alastor: [laughs] It was actually my idea. Lucifer: [laughs] Well it's not very clever. Alastor: [laughs] Fuck you. Husk: Hey, boss? Can I have a word? Alastor: What is it? Husk: You and I both know Mimzy only shows up when she needs somethin'. That bitch is trouble and who knows what kinda demon she fucked with to come runnin' to you this time? Alastor: [unconcerned] It's nothing I can't handle. Don't worry, Husker. Who in their right mind would cross me? Husk: I mean... [sighs] You've been gone a while. And it's not like anybody knows why. Alastor: [smug] They don't need to know and don't you worry your fuzzy head about it. Husk: You may own my soul, but I ain't your fuckin' pet. Alastor: But you are. [Alastor goes to leave] Husk: Big talk, for someone who's also on a leash. [Alastor stops; the hallway lights flicker] Alastor: Ha- What did you say? Husk: Nothin', I, uh- [Alastor summons a glowing green chain, yanking Husk to the floor] Alastor: If you ever say that again, I will tear your soul apart, and broadcast your screams for every other disrespectful wretch, who dares to question me! Husk: Understood. Alastor: Lovely. Good talk, my good man! Always nice to catch up. Welcome to Heaven Hello Rosie Alastor: Ohh, Charlie, you look an absolute mess. Charlie Morningstar: Ugh, go'away, Alastor. Alastor: Now, now, is that any way to act after picking a fight with all of Heaven and dooming everyone you love? Charlie: I have enough on my mind, without hearing your sadistic idea of a joke, asshole. Alastor: Who's joking? You have a captive audience downstairs, waiting to hear what kind of inspiring performance you have planned next. Charlie: I can't. How can I face them, after failing them all so hard? They came here to be saved, and all I did was cause them more pain. I'm just as bad as the cruelest Overlord in Hell- maybe worse. At least they don't go around giving false hope. Alastor: Well, I never expected to see such a miserable display of self-loathing from you. Charlie: Oh, fuck you, Alastor. All you do is stand there, smiling while you watch us struggle and fail. I don't know how you can enjoy all this suffering so much. Alastor: Just because you see a smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool, my dear. It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you're the one in control. Charlie: But I'm not. I'm the furthest thing from in control. The person I trust most has been lying to me for years, Heaven refuses to listen- even if they did, I can't prove the Hotel works. Adam has an invincible Exorcist army pointed right at my doorstep, and there's nothing I can do, about ANY of it!! Alastor: [in a singsong voice] I know something you don't know. Charlie: Huh? Alastor: Those big, scary Angels are not quite as indestructible as they seem. Charlie: What are you talking about? Alastor: Just that you and your little band of misfits might stand more of a chance, than you think. Charlie: How?! I'll do anything! Alastor: Anything? Then... Let's make a deal. Charlie: You... you want my soul? Alastor: YOUR SOUL... Heavens, no. All I need from you, is one itty-bitty favor. What's a favor between friends? Charlie: I won't hurt anyone for you. Alastor: Who's asking? One favor, at the time of my choosing, where you harm no one. In return, I tell you what I know. Do we have a deal? Charlie: Deal. Vaggie: No, No! Alastor: Right on cue. Vaggie: What did you do?! Let her go! Charlie: Vaggie! Stop. Vaggie: What? No. Charlie, please tell me you didn't... Charlie: I made a deal, with Alastor. Vaggie: Charlie. Alastor: Oh, calm down. She still owns her soul. Charlie: He gave me info that can save the Hotel, but we're gonna need help. The Angels can be defeated, and Carmilla is the key. Vaggie: What? Carmilla Carmine? Charlie: She killed an Exorcist in the last Extermination. She knows how they can be harmed. Vaggie: But... I didn't even know that was possible. Charlie: If you had, would you have told me? Vaggie: Charlie, I- Charlie: I need you, to go to her. Convince her, to teach us. If she can, we might have a chance. Vaggie: With just the seven of us? Charlie: No, we're... we're gonna need numbers, too. Alastor: And I know just who can help. As long as Charlie can be her usual, charming self. Charlie: What's that you said about smiles? Alastor: Good girl. Vaggie: Charlie, can we talk about this? Charlie: We can talk later. Right now, we have a job to do. You with us? [Vaggie is outside of where Carmilla] Vaggie: I know what you did on Extermination Day! We can talk about it inside or I can yell about it out here! [the door opens] Fuckin' right you open that door. Vaggie: [The Exorcist Angels] can be killed. Frank: Yeah, that knife lady, Camaro Carfight, killed one. Vaggie: Wait, you knew about this? Frank: Uh, yeah. I told Boss about it months ago. Vaggie: He what?! Sir Pentious: What? They say insane shit all the time. How was I supposed to know this one was true? Frank: Bank accounts are a scam created by the shadow government. Sir Pentious: See? Susan: Boo! Bring Rosie back! Charlie: Susan? Rosie and Alastor: Susan. Charlie: Sorry. Uh, okay, uh, my name's Charlie, and... well, I run this hotel with my part... well someone and-- Wait, let me start over. Angels are coming to kill us all and we need help defending our realm. So we, uh... we need your help-- With your assistance, we can make a stand for-- [singing] I...I have a dream, and I-- Susan: Boo! Get off the stage, you blueblood bitch! Boo! We don't give a shit about some hotel! Leave before I eat those big-ass eyes of yours! Boo! Get off! Where's the showmanship?! Where's all the finesse?! Fucking mediocre! Charlie: FUCK YOU, YOU OLD BITCH!!!!!!!!! The Show Must Go On Alastor: Adam: First man, next to die. Adam: Who the fuck are you? Alastor: Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure. I'm about to end your fucking life. Adam: Nice voice. Don't you know jazz is for PUSSIES?! You really think you can take me on? A mortal soul is no match for me, edgelord. Alastor: You should know better than anyone what a soul can accomplish when they take charge of their own fate. Adam: Oh-ho, you think you're tough shit, huh? Alastor: Tougher than you. [laughs] You lack discipline, control. And worst? You're sloppy. Adam: And you're— [is set upon by Alastor's minions] F-Fuck you, you red piece of— Too much fucking red— SHUT UP! Alastor: Poetry. Adam: I'm gonna wipe that shit-eating grin off your face cause radio is FUCKING DEAD!! Alastor: What just happened? Fuck. Vox: YES! Fuck you, Alastor! This is better than sex! Alastor: Have to disagree with you, there. Radio's not dead, but it is ending this broadcast. Adam: Bye, bitch. Vox: NO! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! PUSSY! Charlie: [sees Lucifer saved her from Adam] Dad? Lucifer: Sorry I wasn't here sooner, sweetie. Adam: Okay, seriously, how many of you freaks do I have to fight? Lucifer: Oh, I'm the only one that matters. See, you messed with my daughter, and now, I am going to FUCK YOU! Valentino: Well, this just got interesting. Charlie: It's "fuck you up". Lucifer: Wait, what'd I say? Lucifer: You come at me and my daughter?! Don't forget YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, BITCH! Charlie: Whoa, whoa! Dad...he's had enough. Lucifer: Alright. [to Adam] How's mercy taste, you little bitch? Adam: No. You don't get to end this. I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man, and you're just some fucking clown or something! I STARTED EVERYTHING ON EARTH! ALL OF MANKIND CAME FROM THESE FUCKING NUTS! You all should be worshipping me! You ungrateful, disgusting, FUCKING LOSERS! Season 2 New Pentious Storyteller Hazbin Hotel: Behind Closed Doors It's a Deal Silenced Weapon of Mass Distraction Curtain Call Vox: Say it, Charlie. Look into the camera and tell everyone out there that you lost and I'm the most powerful sinner in Hell. Not Lilith, not Alastor, not the Vee's, me. Charlie: Never! Alastor: Oh, the drama. You know what? Maybe you should say it, Charlie. Stroke my friend's ego, he needs it. Charlie: What? Alastor, why? Alastor: Ah-ah-ah! C'mon, Charlie. Do me this one simple favor. Charlie: Don't make me. Alastor: Go on. Tell everyone he's the strongest. Charlie: Vox is the strongest sinner in Hell. [Sinners all over Hell cheer at the news] Vox: OH YEAH!!! Look, Princess! Hell's finally listening to you! Vox: Ho-oh, Charlie. You have no idea what you've done for me. All I can say is, thank you so much for sucking so much at everything you try to do. Just...Thank you. Alastor: You absolute IDIOT! Vox: Fuck is going on?! Get back in your chair! Alastor: You swore to not lay your hands on Charlie, but you just couldn't help yourself, could you? You fucking creep. You're always doing that, and I HATE IT! Vox: What, this? This–this doesn't count! I didn't hurt her! Alastor: I didn't say not to hurt her, you moron. I said, you're not to lay your hands on her and you did. You pathetic amateur. Vox: Fucking wordplays? You tricked me with a fucking technicality? Seriously? Alastor: Hmm, it worked, didn't it? Baby, I'm a Demon in Hell, it's kind of our thing. You're nothing, if not predictable. Vox: FUCK YOU! Doesn't matter that you're free, I'll just beat your ass back into submission! I am more powerful than I've ever been! Alastor: Oh, don't sell yourself short. You're the most powerful sinner in Hell, now. I have to thank you for that. Your little power grab helped to break another chain that's been holding me back for quite some time. And now, we can finally settle this once and for all. Finally, a fight with you that might be a challenge. Your screams will make for a satisfying broadcast. Vox: BROADCAST THIS, FUCKER! Voice cast Erika Henningsen as Charlotte "Charlie" Morningstar Stephanie Beatriz as Vaggie Amir Talai as Alastor, "The Radio Demon" Blake Roman as Angel Dust Keith David as Husk Alex Brightman as Sir Pentious and Adam Kimiko Glenn as Niffty and Susan Brandon Rodgers as Katie Killjoy Krystina Alabado as Cherri Bomb Jeremy Jordan as Lucifer Morningstar Jessica Vosk as Lute Joel Perez as Valentino Christian Borle as Vox Lilli Cooper as Velvette Daphne Ruben-Vega as Carmilla Carmine External links 7216636 Hazbin Hotel Category:2010s American adult animated TV shows Category:American adult animated TV shows Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows Category:Black comedy TV shows Category:Musical TV shows