The Magic Christian (film)

thumb|right|Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us. The Magic Christian is a 1969 British comedy film directed by Joseph McGrath and starring Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr, with noteworthy appearances by John Cleese, Raquel Welch, Christopher Lee, Richard Attenborough and Roman Polański. Quotes thumb|right|You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad. thumb|right|Dad, do you think words corrupt? Guy: [voiceover, as a $10 note appears onscreen] Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us. Hamlet: [Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..." Youngman: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it. Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question." Youngman: Shakespeare, right? Guy: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right. Ginger: Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last. [turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book] Ginger: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr. Thorndike! Guy: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal? Ginger: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely. Youngman: You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad. Guy: Well, you know, Youngman. Sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause. Youngman: Cause for pause? Guy: Yes. Youngman: Dad, do you think words corrupt? Guy: I don't know, let's try. Agnes? Agnes: [looks up from the television] Yes? Guy: Nipple. Agnes: Shh! [turns back to the television] Guy: [watches her for a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change. Traffic warden #27: What's your game, Mister? Guy: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play? Guy: [as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt. Youngman: St. Rembrandt's High. John: [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day! Guy: Nor mine! Youngman: Well, it's happening in mine! Herbert: [pleads with Laurence, the ship's doctor] If you could please just give me some tranquilizers... Laurence: Escape into drugs? Mask your fears in an artificial fog? Oh, surely you can't be serious. Herbert: Oh, well... give me some decent English aspirin! Laurence: [pulls out a lit marijuana joint] Here, Sir Herb. Try this. It's just what the doctor ordered. Herbert: What is it? Laurence: It's cannabis, Sir Herb. [Herbert inhales, then chokes] Laurence: It'll tighten your wig. Esther: [as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on? Youngman: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder. Guy: [on being told a Rembrandt might fetch $10,000 at auction] In that case, my final offer is 30. Mr. Dougdale: [stunned] Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon. Announcer on 'Magic Christian': [as the 'Magic Christian' starts to sink] Go to B-Deck immediately! I repeat: Go to C-Deck immediately! Guy: [a police car drives up to Grand's car] Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment. Guy: [Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet] This chap's taking license in my view? Cast Peter Sellers as Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE Ringo Starr as Youngman Grand, Esq. Isabel Jeans as Dame Agnes Grand Caroline Blakiston as Hon. Esther Grand Spike Milligan as Traffic warden #27 Richard Attenborough as Oxford Coach Leonard Frey as Laurence Faggot (ship's psychiatrist) John Cleese as Mr. Dugdale (director in Sotheby's) Patrick Cargill as Auctioneer at Sotheby's Joan Benham as Socialite in Sotheby's Ferdy Mayne as Edouard (of Chez Edouard restaurant) Graham Stark as Waiter at Chez Edouard Restaurant) Laurence Harvey as Hamlet Dennis Price as Winthrop Wilfrid Hyde-White as Capt. Reginald K. Klaus Christopher Lee as Ship's vampire Roman Polański as Solitary drinker Raquel Welch as Priestess of the Whip Victor Maddern as Hot dog vendor Terence Alexander as Mad Major Peter Bayliss as Pompous Toff Clive Dunn as Sommelier Fred Emney as Fitzgibbon David Hutcheson as Lord Barry Hattie Jacques as Ginger Horton Edward Underdown as Prince Henry Jeremy Lloyd as Lord Hampton Peter Myers as Lord Kilgallon Roland Culver as Sir Herbert Michael Trubshawe as Sir Lionel David Lodge as Ship's guide Peter Graves as Lord at ship's bar Robert Raglan as Maltravers Frank Thornton as Police Inspector Michael Aspel as TV commentator Michael Barratt as TV commentator Harry Carpenter as TV commentator John Snagge as TV commentator Alan Whicker as TV commentator Graham Chapman as Oxford crewman (uncredited) James Laurenson as Oxford crewman (uncredited) Yul Brynner as Transvestite cabraet singer (uncredited) John Le Mesurier as Sir John (uncredited) Guy Middleton as Duke of Mantisbriar (uncredited) Nosher Powell as Ike Jones (uncredited) Rita Webb as Woman in Park (uncredited) Jimmy Clitheroe as Passenger on Ship (uncredited) Sean Barry-Weske as John Lennon lookalike (uncredited) Kimberly Chung as Yoko Ono lookalike (uncredited) George Cooper as Losing Boxer's Second (uncredited) Rosemarie Hillcrest as Topless Galley Slave (uncredited) Edward Sinclair as Park attendant (uncredited) External links Category:1969 films Category:British films Category:Comedy films Category:Cult films