Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1

They're back on the beat to make crime disappear! Meatwad! Beefy disguises from ground-up steer! Frylock! A Sherlock Holmes with laser beam eyes! Master Shake! Unprivate dick! Aqua Teen Hunger Force (also known by various alternative titles) (2000–15) is an animated television series from the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming block. The show follows the exploits of three anthropomorphic fast food items: Master Shake, the milkshake; Frylock, the carton of French fries; and Meatwad, the meatball. Allen Part One Dr. Weird: BEHOLD! There is an adhesive bandage in my 'nana pudding! I DEMAND that it be REMOVED! [The restaurant waitress walks over, picks up the bandage, and walks away.] Dr. Weird: Thank you. Steve: Uhh, you know, you could probably get it for free now. Dr. Weird: Woman! Bring back the bandage! I want it... FOR FREE! [The waitress angrily turns around and throws the bandage directly onto Dr. Weird’s helmet.] [Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad are sitting in the Danger Cart across from a dilapidated house. Master Shake is peering through a hollow paper towel tube like a telescope] Master Shake: How we looking? What's it look like? What's going on in there? Meatwad, I'm going to need you to give me a visual on the building. Meatwad: [Pulls out a toy View-Master slide viewer and clicks through.] Well, Princess riding a dinosaur over the rainbow and magic candy kingdom. They been doing that a lot lately. Something's up. Master Shake: I think I would have remembered our silent mentioning that we're tracking a dinosaur. We're not getting paid enough for that, and we never discussed mileage to the Magic Candy Kingdom Meatwad: I sure would like to get a wire in that dinosaur. Frylock: Shake, just look at the house, will you? Master Shake: Yeah, Meatwad. You're looking at the wrong house. [Takes out a disk] This disk, dummy. Meatwad: Oh, this is the house. Okay. Frylock: No, damn it. Over there. Look, look. I see some action. [It’s an old lady, who is walking down the street with crotches] Oh, h-hey, ma'am. [Chuckles] How you doing here? Master Shake: Howdy, ma'am. Meatwad: Hey there. Master Shake: Hey, we're just three guys hanging out. Frylock: Y-You, uh, need some help or... Master Shake: I don't think she saw us. Frylock, you're burned. You're out. Frylock: Fine, I was gonna leave anyways 'cause this is boring, man! Master Shake: Fine! This isn't the first case I've had to crack by myself! Just tell us what exactly we're supposed to do, and then don't let the door hit your VCR on the way out! [Flashback clip plays showing Dr. Weird opening a VCR slot built into Frylock's back from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Film for Theaters."] Frylock: Ah ah ah, that was the old show. Master Shake: Yeah, I know. This is the new show, where we're detectives, and you're no longer a part of it. So am-scray! ...Utt-face! Have fun getting soft! Meatwad: Shake, wake up! Wake up! [Master Shake yawns] We got action at three... o'clock. Six o'clock? Is the little hand the minute hand? Master Shake: Ah! So that's what he drives to visit his mistress! [The construction driver slams the vehicle's bucket right into the wall of the house.] Master Shake: Another piece of the puzzle falls into place! [Puffs on a bubble pipe.] Meatwad: But why would he do that to his own house, Shake? Master Shake: Oh, that's an insurance scam. Or he's trying to hide the evidence! We're going undercover! Master Shake: Oui-oui! Oh-ho-ha! Bonjour! I am your new neighbor! I just, uh, move—how you say—move in! And you must be... Construction Worker: Tearing this house down. Master Shake: Ah-hah-hah! To hide evidence, maybe, ah? Porce-bill! Insurance scam! [The worker stares at him in silence.] Master Shake: No, no, it is cool! You can tell me, Jacque! Everyone tells Jacque! Construction Worker: It's been vacant for ten years. Master Shake: Ah, so that's your story! So maybe you can tell me... why you're having an affair in there! Ho-ho! [Turns to Meatwad.] Cuff him! Meatwad: [Looking at his toy viewer.] Hey, Shake, I don't think this is the right house... or even the right dinosaur. Master Shake: Then why is our guy here? Meatwad: Well, 'cause... 'cause he's been sent by the city to tear this empty house down. Master Shake: And why is he large and black? The guy we're looking for is small and white! Construction Worker: You all need to clear on out of here! I got work to do. Master Shake: All right, Chuck, I'm gonna ask you once! [Rips off his fake mustache.] Maybe you can tell me what kind of back-room operation you had to have to look like that! Huh?! [Cut to a hospital room: Shake is wrapped in bandages, horribly beaten, and bruised.] Master Shake: Did you see how close I was to nailing that guy? [Master Shake lies in a stasis pod. A large, green, facehugger-like alien named Danny is attached to Shake's face, humping him continuously. A counter shows 9 years passing by. The chamber finally unseals and hiss-opens. Shake wakes up with a thick brown mustache] Master Shake: I had the world's craziest dream. All right, I was eating the world's largest hot dog and you were there, Frylock. But for some reason, you were Chinese, and I could not understand what you were saying. Then all my teeth started falling out... Danny: This is when I should probably say something. [Danny unlatches from Shake's face and rips a long, thick red organ out of Shake's throat.] Danny: Good morning, how are you? Master Shake: Who are you? Danny: I'm Danny, and I own the Hypersleep chamber. Master Shake: Look, I'm sorry. I was just borrowing. My friend made me do it. Frylock-- Danny: Shh, it's okay. It's where we met. Master Shake: Excuse me? Danny: When I looked into your closed eyes, I knew you were the one. Master Shake: What... what do you mean by that? Danny: I've been making love to your face off and on for the last nine years. [Shake gags and coughs.] Danny: Don't throw up. Where I come from, it's beautiful. Master Shake: Do you have a name? Danny: Look, let's not get into names. It was just a physical thing, a fling. I needed a warm office to deposit eggs, that's all. And now it's over. Master Shake: For nine years?! Danny: I know. It's a long time to stay committed. The sex got... well, a little boring. Master Shake: I was asleep! Danny: I know what you mean. We lost our identities in the relationship. We're different people. I'm not even a person. Master Shake: But I had no choice in the matter! Danny: Shh, don't end it this way. Let it go. What's done is done. Master Shake: For God's sake, tell me you at least used protection. Danny: Look, we both know this isn't working out. I just think I need to see other people... who are asleep. Master Shake: Why do I have clamps on my butt? Danny: Well, it was just something I wanted to try. Look, could we at least stay in touch? What's your name? [A sudden bolt of lightning shoots from the sky, instantly vaporizing Danny into ash.] Master Shake: AHHH!! LIGHTNING!!! You son of a bitch! Protesters: 1... 2... 3... 4... Master Shake: All right, how much do I possibly owe you? Taxi Driver: N-nothing. Everything's free now. Master Shake: Then mow down some of those nimrods over there for free. Taxi Driver: That would be bad. We're all good now [chuckles] and I want you to have a good day. [The driver speeds off. The angry mob surrounds Shake.] Protesters: Baby-killing jerks! Master Shake: Hey, easy! No pushing! Protester: Don't go in there, lady. Master Shake: I'm about to march right into that abortion clinic and tell them it's not a choice. It's a child. [The mob breaks out into wild cheers.] Master Shake: I'd like 12,000 face abortions. Can I get a discount because I'm getting them in bulk? Doctor: No prob. [The doctor takes a vacuum tube, inserts it into Shake's mouth, and sucks all the alien eggs out.] Doctor: You'll be good, and have a good day. Protester: So, can we blow it up or what? Master Shake: No, no, no. Uh, I just told them that life is precious and they agreed. [The crowd cheers briefly.] Protester: Blow it up anyway! [A gigantic beam of lightning shoots down from the sky, instantly vaporizing the entire crowd into a bloody mess.] Doctor: [Exits the building.] Wonderful, let's get an abortin'. [Another giant lightning bolt strikes the doctor and the clinic. The doctor explodes into blood and the building ignites in a violent series of explosions.] Master Shake: What's up with all this lightning? Master Shake: Aqua Unit Patrol Squad, assemble! Now, I said! Don't make me come in there! [Shake enters the house.] Master Shake: Hello, Frylock? Meatwad? Willie Nelson? Love Mummy? Those Frat Alien Guys? [He flips on the light switch. The living room is empty, decaying, and covered completely in dark cobwebs. Shake gasps in horror.] Master Shake: No! Noooo! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! [Shake bursts into tears, runs outside, and throws himself onto the front lawn.] Master Shake: What... have... I... done?! [Shake sob-screams dramatically while wildly rolling side-to-side on the dead grass.] Allen Part Two Shake: Carl, Carl? [Rings the doorbell] Carl! Carl! [Mr. Beefy comes out of the house] Where's Carl? Mr. Beefy: Oh, he moved years ago. They had to chisel him out of here. Shake: Oh. Oh, he's a big guy now. Oh, yeah. Fat Mountain is what we called him. George's Mom: We never called him that. Mr. Beefy: Sorry, Mom. George's Mom: Get your story straight. Mr. Beefy: I use it as my garage for my folk art and my aging BMW. Completely paid off by Mr. Beefy. George's Mom: George, get in here now. Mr. Beefy: Coming, Mom. You wanna come in and say hi to Mom? George's Mom: George! Shake: Yeah, I'm not comfortable with that. Mr. Beefy: In that case, you want to, to rent my building? George's Mom: Don't make me count to three. Shake: I don't know. I don't think so. Mr. Beefy: It's in a real bad section of town. Shake: I said no. Mr. Beefy: It is free. [Cut to a warehouse filled with army equipment.] Yeah, I let Randy at the army supply store keep a few things around over here. [The door opens] Oh, great. Thanks a lot, Randy. I said a few pith helmets. [two kids run off with some pipes] Mr. Beefy: Hey! Those are my pipes! Kid: Suck it, old man! Mr. Beefy: Now you kids enjoy those pipes and be good and have a good day! [lightning strikes the two kids running off, and vaporizes them] Shake: What's up with all this lightning....inside?! Mr. Beefy: I didn't see any lightning. So what do you say? Make a bed out of these pith helmets? Shake: Nah, I'm not into that. Mr. Beefy: Come on, it's free! EVERYTHING'S FUCKING FREE NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE FUCKING HONOR SYSTEM! [Shake becomes slightly confused, flashback is shown] Taxi Driver: Everything's free now. [distorted] Everything's free now. [more distorted] Everything's free now. Shake: Like a ride in a cab. Mr. Beefy: Thanks a lot, Allen. Wait. Wait a minute. Calm down, Allen. But I was King Slim Ward of Lakeland, Florida, and you have reduced me to jack-diddle- [gets vaporized] Nyyyeeeooowww!! Gangster 1: You a cry baby? Shake: [sobbing] I'm not! Gangster 1: Now look man, I'll give you something to cry about! Shake: No please, I'm fine! Gangster 1: Cry about famine, that's something to cry about! So is war, man! [Shake tries to run away] Gangster 2: Hold up, hold up, where are you going? Shake: No where! No where, home! I'm just- Gangster 2: You look lost! Gangster 1: What you need, directions? Because I got a GPS. Easy, bro! Just give me two seconds. Gangster 2: Just tell us where you live at! Shake: No I'm fine! Gangster 1: All right then. You be good man, and have a good day. Shake: You don't want to stab me? Just a little bit? Gangster 2: [draws a pocket knife] Come on man, let's do him! He practically begging us to do him! Shake: No no, I just said stab, I- no no no... Gangster 2: That's the cue! Gangster 1: You know what'll happen, Brian. Gangster 2: I've been having a good day, for nine frickin years! You hear me Allen?! You hear me- [gets vaporized] Gangster 1: Oh, damn! [to Shake] Well uh...y'all be good and have a good day! Shake: Who's Allen? Gangster 1: I don't know. I don't even know what you're talking about. Who said "Allen," I know "Allen." I don't even know who that is. Look, I gotta go over her where I was hanging out and being good. Shake: Well, um... what's that? [An incredibly tall pole planted on the road and pan up into a dome/UFO atop the pole, where an alien is living inside it. The sign saying "Behave for the Alien"] Allen: Bring the girl to me! Gangster 1: Mm. Go on up there, now. [The claw grabs Shake and brings him into the dome, inside Allen's headquarters, surrounded by monitors] Shake: Let me guess, "Allen." Right. Allen: Well, "Alien," but they fucked it up on the sign. I trust you're being good and having a good day? Shake: What is all this? What are you doing up here? Allen: These monitors track and display all bad deeds around the Earth, and if I see something bad, [presses a button and destroys a very obese Carl on a monitor] I destroy it, so the Earth can be good. Shake: But when you destroy the stuff...that's bad, right? [silence] Allen: Shut up. [A monitor shows Frylock and Meatwad] Frylock: What are you talking about, man? It's been awesome here without him. Shake: Shh! Shh! Shh! Look I know these guys! Frylock: I don't want to go back to those days, do you? Meatwad: Well, he was a very good friend to me. Shake: Meatwad. Meatwad: And if you don't get him, then I will. Shake: Blast the little one. Slowly. Allen: They are being good, unlike you have. [Changes the monitor to Shake beating up Meatwad] Observe! Shake: [on monitor] He does what? [Throws Vanessa at Meatwad] You can't meddle-- Shake: [watches himself beat Meatwad up with a meddler] Oh, I remember this! [Laughs, he watches himself slice Meatwad in half] Oh, yeah, this was at the old house. Gosh, I was so thin back then. [He watches himself repeatedly hit Meatwad with a grey wooden stick] Oh, come on. He loved it more than I did! Shake: [on monitor] Stay down! Shake: And I...craved it. Ah, man. [The monitor changes back to the liquor store] That is some good times. You know, you really don't know what you have, until it leaves, because you chased it around with a ball-peen hammer. Allen: You are the meanest person on the planet! A real A-hol! Underlined and bold! Shake: [flipping the bird] Well, fuck you too and the ship you rode in on! Allen: I imagine you've seen the lasers. [prepares to vaporize Shake] Would I be correct? Shake: So what? [makes noise] I've got on my force-field. [silence] Allen: [stores away the lasers] Damn. Meatwad: Was this the liquor store he was talking about? This is the one I like to go to 'cause they don't card me, and it's right next to the sperm bank where they, where I get the money to buy the Schnapps. Frylock: Look, I don't see him, okay? Can we go now? Meatwad: Hey man, you see a drink cup about yay high? White, big old eyes, pink straw, and little yellow hands. Gangster 1: I know, I know, I should remember that. Meatwad: Looked just like this. [Transforms into Master Shake] Gangster 1: Oh, okay. Well, he's up there with Allen. Frylock: Then he's dead, and we're out of here. Meatwad: Wait, Frylock, I got me a plan. Allen: You know, I'm about to give you what for a drink cup in the privacy bubble. Allen's Father: [voiceover] Listen, I don't like this any more than you do. But it's for your own good. I'll blast you all. Don't think for a millisecond that I wouldn't do it. I do it now. I do it every day forever. You know why? Because I can. Allen: My dad is watching, so here's what we're gonna do. Shake: You're going to vaporize me? Allen: Well, yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that you have that force field. Had you forgotten that? Shake: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. Hold on. Let me turn it on again. [makes noises] Allen: So, of course, that would be impossible. But you and I both know that if you didn't have that force field, there would be two hits. Shake: Yeah, yeah. You hit me and I hit the floor. Allen: Bingo. And that would be free. Shake: That actually would be two. Allen: Look, I couldn't give a crap about you and your number system. Where I come from, it's three. Shake: Fine, you're wrong! All right, what's your point? Allen: It's my dad. Shake: Your dad what? Allen: Look, all I did was have a fucking party and someone ruined his pool table and now I have to do this for the rest of my bloody life! Shake: Well, who did it, Allen? Allen: It was Tommy, roughhousing with a cue stick. And he tore the felt, a six-inch gash. And then he lied about it. Said it was there already. I could have killed him. I still would. Shake: Why didn't you just vaporize your stupid dad? Allen: I love him, but he's on my case. Shake: He's always gonna be on your case. Allen: He cramps my style. Shake: Look, at a certain point, you got to grow up and be your own man. Allen: You know, it's so odd that I can whisper to you. Shake: Yeah. Allen: Usually a force field like yours would repel me. Shake: Yeah. Weird. Allen: Weird. Shake: Uh... Allen: Never mind. I talk a lot. I mean, my dad says that. I wish he didn't exist! Shake: Don't you ever say that about your father! Do you know how much he sacrifices for you!? Allen: No. Oh, God, you don't know him, do you? Shake: Yes, I do. Allen: Oh, no, I'm screwed! Don't tell him what I said about him, will you? Shake: It's cool. It's cool, man. Don't get upset. But I heard your dad mention while we were golfing today that he's going out of town on business tonight. Allen: Party, party, party! I'm gonna call Tommy. He loves to throw down. Shake: Yeah, he does. Meatwad: Hey, Allen, doody butt. Butt. That's right. Butt. Doody butt. Allen: Potty mouth on 29. Shake: Blast him, Allen. Blast him into the night. Meatwad: Pooty butt. Doody. Come on, Frylock, you do one. Frylock: Allen, you can suck my fry dick, you son of a bitch! Kiss my balls, lick the juice from my asshole! You fucking, fuck fuckface! You fat bastard! You hear me, bitch? Huh? Come on down here, you sucking, fuck-suck, gayass motherfucker! Meatwad: Dang, man. Frylock: Where you going? Meatwad: Ooooh, Allen! He said a bad word! Frylock: Hey, wait! Come back here! It was your plan! Allen: [presses a button which destroys Frylock] Right. Listen carefully. Lasers here, monitors here. Have you got that? Excellent! So easy, a roach could do it. Shake: Where are you going? Allen: [is now on top of the dome, gets a sudden call as he comes out of the top] Tomaloma! Brew-meister! The roof's on fire! Oh, you literally mean the roof is on fire, as in burning flames? [Finds that Tommy has set his dad's ship on fire] Were you smoking up there? Oh, hey, dad. Tommy did that. He smokes. YOU LIAR! YOU JUDAS, TOMMY! [whimpers] What's for my own good-- [Shake closes the hatch of the ship] No, wait! I'm not even up there! This is-- [Allen is vaporized by his father.] The Intervention [Carl's been pulled over] Officer: You know how fast you were going? Carl: (drunk) Oh, yeah. Why, what's y- your gun say? I clocked it at 136. Officer: In a 25. In a school zone. Carl: Ah, don't get your panties in a wad, there ain't no kids out at this hour. Officer: How many drinks have you had tonight? Carl: Ehhh, maybe like two or three, so you know, I'm good. [drinks from a can of beer] I mean, I've been drinking water for like an hour. [finishes the beer] Officer: How about that one? Carl: Alright, fine! 18. You feel like a big man, now, pig? Huh? Maybe you had a real job, you could afford to party like me, instead of trying to uh, set a trap to meet your quota! [Officer notices a sleeping woman in Carl's car] Officer: Is that woman dead? Carl: Ohhh, man, I hope not. Let me check. [slaps her face three times, which makes her snore] No. She's not. Thank God. That's- I- I will say this. She's gonna be con,fused when she wakes up. Right? [laughs] Punch in the fist! What's that thing you just pulled out of your- [Officer shoots a taser at his eye] AHHHH! [Carl's out of confinement with a black eye] Carl: No, I was! I was polite! I was like: yes sir, no sir, get off my ass, sir. Frylock: Oh, that's wonderful, Carl, but guess what? This bail's gonna BUST me, man! Carl: Just post it up, get my keys and I can drive us back home. Officer: You ain't driving anywhere for a long time. Carl: Look, I ain't had a DUI in over four months, Y- YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT! Frylock: Carl, let it go. Carl: NO! This pig is messing with me! Ain'tcha piggy, eh?! Oinkoinkoinkoinkoink! Officer: Oh, you like it here, huh?! Frylock: Don't listen to him, officer. Carl: You can't keep me off the road, 'cause I pay for them roads! Officer: Just get him out of here! Frylock: I'm worried about Carl. Master Shake: Nah, you're not worried about him. You're worried about flying him everywhere. Frylock: Oh! Shhh, shhh! [whispering] Turn off the lights! [Carl runs into the Aqua Teen's house. Frylock is hiding behind the spool] Carl: Hey, gang! Who's ready to go on a trip? I see ya over there behind the spool. Frylock: No, Carl. Carl: [desperate] Aw come on, it's 2.3 miles to Melon Shakers! I CAN'T WALK THAT FAR! Frylock: And then I'll wait there for three hours, 'cause you won't pay my cover to get in, while you get those rocks off in the champagne room! Carl: Come on, it takes time. I'm a little desensitized from... years of doing it. Frylock: You know what, Carl? I am SICK AND TIRED of flying your ass to the gas station to get beer, to the grocery store to get beer, to the whorehouse to get beer. Carl: I ain't never made you take me to the laundromat. Master Shake: That's 'cause you don't wash your clothes. Carl: Eh, yeah, that's a pretty good point. [smells his armpit] Touché. Frylock: Look, Carl, maybe you need to take a good look at your life. Carl: I look at my life every day... and I POP A BONER. So I ain't here to talk to YOU. Carl: [drunk and collapsed on the parking lot] Blow into the tube and start the car! Meatwad: I ain't driving no car. Carl: You ain't gotta drive it-I'm-I'll-I'm driving, I'm the driver. I just gotta- You just gotta start it. And then you gotta pull me up-pull me in. Then we're good-I'm driving. [Meatwad blows into the tube] Hurry, I'm urinating on myself. Meatwad: [car fails to start] It ain't starting. Carl: Why ain't it starting? Meatwad: Probably 'cause, I had five gin and tonics, and a cubra libre! Carl: I told you not to drink! I should not have bought you them drinks... Shake: Carl, we love you. And I for one, do not like to see you destroying yourself like this. This long slow slide, is frankly, extremely boring to watch! Why don't you go out in like a blaze of glory! Frylock: Shake... Shake: Light yourself on fire, rob a bank! Frylock: Shake! Shake: Do something at least I can tweet about! And like make me popular! Frylock: Come on... Shake: But you never think about me, do you? Frylock: Let me ask you something, Carl. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? Shake: Oh, not with this! Can't we just talk about him during Christmas? Meatwad: Is he be the one what bring all the toys in the magic sleigh? Shake: For the last time... Yes! Carl: [Frylock is showing him personal items that at one point belonged to Jesus] Is this his hair? Wow! He had Rock hair. Just like Hetfield, back when he was riding the lightning! Frylock: [to Rupert] Wait a minute! Jesus had a hairdresser? Freedom Cobra Master Shake: Oh, hey, babe. [woman passes by with no notice] Lesbian![after Shake's dog attacks him]Frylock: You ain't gonna get laid just because you have a dog! Shake: I know, that's why I brought this Frisbee. To make us look fun! [kicks the dog]Frylock: Whoa whoa whoa, you definitely ain't gonna get laid kicking a dog in public! Shake: Women respond to control! And that is what I am exhibiting, to this dog! Go on, let go of him, Meatwad. Meatwad: [holding back the dog] All right. Shake: [poorly throws the Frisbee] Go get it, you dumbass! [[the dog attacks him again] Oh, no, no! Let go! Get it off! Get it off! [Meatwad holds back the dog] Why would you let go of a dog like that?! Tattooed Man: Yo, bro. [hands Shake his Frisbee] Your disk. Shake: Well aware of what I own, okay? Cool guy? Nude Woman: Wow, I got nude when I saw your tattoos! Tattooed Man: Right on! Right on! Nude Woman: I'm on the pill! Tattooed Man: What pill?[they engage in intercourse]Shake: Well, you're a lesbian! Meatwad: Well, if she's a lesbian, then, what's she doing with that cool tattoo guy? Shake: Because he's obviously a woman, trapped inside a man's impeccably chiseled body. Meatwad: Well now it looks like he's trapped inside that girls body. Oh, now he's out. Wait! Now he's back in again. Wait, now he's back out! Now he's back in! Doctor: [after Shake's Tattoo Removal] It went well...unfortunately, our lasers were no match for Freedom Cobra. The Creditor Shake: He had a look about him. You know? Sometimes I think I see him. [Creditor in the distance cloaks]Therapist: Well, everyone knows the Creditor has a cloaking device. Shake: I know, I know. It's probably nothing. Therapist: Well are you behind in your payments? Shake: I haven't made any payments. I haven't felt like it. Therapist: Sometimes we have to do things that we don't like. Shake: Not you. You talk to me all the time because you love it! Everyone just wants a free ride on my lid man. Shake's Narration: I remember. [flashback starts; at a club] He was new in town. I could tell he needed a friend, but then an asylum. Shake: Yeah! I would love to tap that! [to the Creditor] Hey! Go buy us some shooters! Shake's Narration: We were ruling it! And the Creditor, he just never knew when to stop!"Creditor: [surrounded by prostitutes] I have the power of a thousand suns!Shake's Narration: Then he disappeared in the back room with three of them, and when he came back out, he was real sweaty and nervous.Creditor: Let's get out, we're leaving.Shake's Narration: He was holding her severed heads, and spines.Shake: Oh, come on, man! I'm going first, next time!Shake's Narration: That night, we celebrated our success at hiding the bodies...by going to another club.Meatwad: [watching his TV shows] Please...... Thank you.....[Creditor Materializes, andreaches into meatwad]s head, and pulls up nothing] You looking for bones? [Creditor digs in again] 'Cause I got no bones in here. [Creditor comes up empty and digs in again, he continuously digs in and comes up empty] Why don't you do it again? [Creditor comes up empty] What you get? Nothing. [Creditor digs in again] Oops. [Creditor comes up empty and roars in a fury] Do it to me again! It's starting to turn me on sexually.Creditor: [after ripping Shake's skull out] I am the best hunter in the world, and in all the galaxy!Therapist: Ah yes, but you've mentioned that in the past, and yet your father, hated hunting. [Creditor prepares to rip out Therapists skull] Don't do this, I thought we were past this. [gets skull ripped out]Creditor Father: [reading a book] ...and he bleached the skulls and spines in an acid bath, and he used the teeth for a meat scraping tool. Happy Halloween everybody! Then he collapsed. The amount of blood and bile was overwhelming. The end.Creditor Kids: Read it again, Daddy, read it again!Creditor Father: Now, now, now, go to sleep, that's all. [one Creditor kid holds up a severed foot] Put your feet under the pillow! For the foot fairy....comes tonight! VampirusMaster Shake: This. Is. The life. Rays. Cool Water. No vampires.Carl: Yeah, that vampire thing's so friggin' overhyped.Master Shake: I know.Carl: Y'know, the media sees one horde of crazy vampires devouring the president and we're supposed to think they're everywhere.Master Shake: I know. Completely living in fear.Frylock: And that's when I realized that it wasn't his blood at all, but the deodorant that was driving the vampires away. Of course, we've since expanded into garlic toothpaste, mouthwash, cologne, shampoo. All our garlic grooming products have completely eradicated all signs of vampire zombies.Chuck: Some would argue that you just made the Earth a little easier for a new breed of steak sauce-craving bears to take over.Frylock: I'm not here to talk about any bears, okay? That's the government's problem. My point is this: I'M RICH AS HELL!Master Shake: And you're also a STUCK. UP. ASS. HOLE!!!Master Shake: Guess what! I developed a vaccine too!Meatwad: This here's just steak sauce!Master Shake: I get bored doing science stuff! [Shake and Meatwad go outside]Master Shake: Bring on the creatures of the night...Meatwad: The vampires are all dead, man!Master Shake: ...for I am immune! [Shake pours steak sauce on himself. He looks around and throws the bottle to the ground]Master Shake: It's driving the vampires away!Meatwad: I know. 'Cause the vampires are dead!Master Shake: Right. And I did that just now!Meatwad: But look over there. A bunch of giant bears.Master Shake: Yeah, well they're like Mormons. You treat 'em with respect [Meatwad retreats inside the house] and they'll be your friend for life. [The bears approach Shake]Master Shake: What's up, my bear bitches?! [The bears prepare to attack]Master Shake: This is the dumbest thing I've ever done! Last Dance for Napkin LadMeatwad: [pointing a gun at Frylock] I'll waste him right now, he probably set us up!Frylock: Easy, now! Whoa, whoa, man, I don't know nothing about no skeletons! [dramatic music]Master Shake:...skeletons?Meatwad: Who said anything about skeletons?Frylock: [nervously] Uhhhhhhh j-, no! I mean, ain't that what ya'll call them people who be after ya'll?Master Shake: Not in any academy class I ever took.Meatwad: Skeletons are what comes out your body after you rot in the ground for fifty years...with a slug of lead lodged in ya cranium. You think you understand me?Carl: Well, he's about to take his last freakin' bath. Computer, enter dive mode.Napkin Lad: You can't do that! It's just a prototype, it's never been tested for undersea battle.Carl: Then I guess we're gonna test it then, aren't we, Napkin Lad?Napkin Lad: You're a madman!Carl: It's good to be something. [puts on Chickenfoot] Jumpy GeorgeMeatwad: You want me to do what, now?Master Shake: It's a paying gig! NOW you're complaining?! Fine, I'll get somebody else!Meatwad: Fine. You do that.Master Shake: ...Okay, fine, you called my bluff. But that is the LAST TIME that will EVER happen, or Santa Claus will burn all your toys.Meatwad: You're bluffin'. [Shake stares him down]Meatwad: You ain't bluffin'. Santa Claus will burn my toys!Master Shake: What can I do? Far away, in the North Pole, Santa is just CLICKING a lighter to his gas-soaked toys.Meatwad: C-call the elves! The elves know that- they know- I'VE BEEN GOOD DOWN HERE!Master Shake: Not good enough! Not until you make this right with both me and with Father Christmas.Frylock: Make what right, Shake?Master Shake: (pulls out joy buzzer) Oh, hey, man! Gimme five, up top!Frylock: I can see the hand buzzer, man.Master Shake: (to Meatwad) YOU TOLD HIM, YOU JUDAS!Meatwad: Hey, Frylock, I'm babysittin' tonight or Santa Claus gonna burn all my toys down.Frylock: Meatwad, Santa Claus would never burn all your toys, 'cause he doesn't exist.Meatwad: He what?Master Shake: Then how do you explain all the cookies he eats, huh?Meatwad: Yeah, how do you explain that?Frylock: Well, I...I haven't figured out how the cookies disappear, okay!Master Shake: Then don't POP OFF about things you don't even know about!Meatwad: I thought I was gonna have to call 911.Master Shake: And we don't have a phone, do we? Do we, out-of-work scientist?! Carl: Look, I'm layin' all my cards on the table here. I want us to have an honest relationship right off the bat. I couldn't help but notice that you got kids. How tight are you?Master Shake: Carl, that is inappropriate. As is the diarrhea on the back of your shirtCarl: I-I must apologize. It was like I sat down on a flamethrower back there, you know? You can relate. [To the store clerk] And you need to stock your bathroom better! I had to run out here with my pants around my ankles and grab some napkins!Err: I'm handicapped, man! 'Cause I'm drunk!Err: Man, you told that pig off! And that bitch, and that judge, and that guy at the jail that raped you!Ignignokt: They all know where to go and how to eat it now. I have told them where their dinner is and what it is. [Carl and Shake's date is unconscious in 2 Wicked's trunk]Master Shake: Wow. This is embarrassing, but... can we borrow $15.92?Carl: Well, I got chips too, so w-we need money for those too. But, uh, I'll pay you back later... with my world-famous chest massage. (laughs) Ya hear me? Wake up.Master Shake: Hey, wake up. WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUP! (to Carl) What'd I tell ya? Poke holes in the trunk!Carl: Dig around in her purse, see her for a 20. I mean, those guys is still waiting at the cash register for us.Master Shake: (dropping flower petals) You do it.Carl: What the hell is th- what are you doin'?!Master Shake: Rose petals! I'm building a little bridge...to FUCKTOWN!Carl: Alright, look. (sighs) I got diarrhea. Bad. So you don't make no seduction moves with MY date while I'm gone, I got my eye on you! LasagnaNick: Oh, yeah, yeah, you know, I-I fantasize about, uh, just walkin' in there with a gun and, heh, if he asks me to fax one more thing I will...fax his head to Jesus on the back of a hollow point [Carl is at Anger Management]Carl: Look, I don't even know why I'm here. I love women. And that's why I pay them 40 dollars to have sex with me for money. And I would never dream of hitting a woman until the second she decides to chomp down on my tongue. Then I star whaling away! I gotta do something to free my face and get ouf of that van. [Shake drops a pan of lasagna in Carl's yard attached to a retractable leash]Master Shake: C'mon fat boy! Look what's cookin'!Lance: Scam Wow! That's some serious lasagna!Carl: My neighbor, he makes good pasta and every once in a while he leaves some in the yard... to taunt me. But today is the day.Master Shake: Hey, Carl, good afternoon. I just brought some lasagna for you.Carl: Yeah, I can see that. But you didn't deliver it, no. You put it in the middle of my yard.Master Shake: Ah, I just thought you'd maybe wanna take a little brisk walk! I mean, there are four kinds of cheese in there.Carl: No, no. I know your game, Shake. You left it right in the middle of the yard 'cause you know I'll go after it.Master Shake: Don't let it get cold- Uh-oh. Carl, look at this, [Shake reels it in] the ants are starting to run off with it!Carl: Yeah well, I guess they'll get it this time.Master Shake: Wow, I just-I intercepted it myself, [picks up the lasagna] ...you know, from the ants.Carl: I don't give a damn, cup.Master Shake: Oh...well that's too bad. I guess I'll just... [lifts manhole cover] ...toss this down the sewer in front of you. Mm...this probably was the best batch I ever made.Carl: Don't do that.Master Shake: Oh-oh...you didn't...you didn't want any of this, did you?Carl: (brokenly) You know I do.Master Shake: Then let's see if you've got the legs for it [tosses the lasagna back into Carl's yard].Carl: Let me just get a little closer and get a closer look. [Shake reels it in] Get back here! Get back here!Master Shake: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Carl: Get back here! [runs into the electric fence and shocks himself] Ahhh!!Master Shake: Ohhh, so close to marinara town!Carl: I get this necklace off in three months, cup, and you're dead!Master Shake: Well, I'll see you in the fall, fats!Doctor''': Well, first off, I would stop drinking any milkshake that claims to be medicine External links Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1 at Adult Swim Aqua Teen Hunger Force Category:Aqua Teen Hunger Force seasons Category:American animated television seasons Preceded bySeason 7 Aqua Teen Hunger Force seasons| width="30%" | Succeeded byAqua Something You Know Whatever