Curb Your Enthusiasm (season 5)

Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 | Main Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000-2024) is an American television sitcom on HBO starring Seinfeld writer & co-creator Larry David. The series is loosely based on David's life as a semi-retired multi-millionaire in the world after Seinfeld. It was inspired by a 1999 one-hour mockumentary titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm, which David and HBO had envisioned as a one-time project. The Larry David Sandwich [5.1] [after Ted Danson and Larry decide to switch their sandwiches] Ted: Just if anyone asks me, what's in my new sandwich? Larry: Oh, ok, it's um, you got white fish. You know, white fish? Ted: White fish? Larry: White fish and sable. Uhm.. Ted: What is sable? Larry: It's a fish. Jeff: It's a fish like a white fish. Smoked fish. Ted: You have two fishes in the sandwich? Larry: But they blend very well together. They're like Siamese twins, white fish and sable. Ted: What else is in it? No condiments? Jeff: Cream cheese. Larry: There's some cream cheese..it's.. Jeff: Capers. [Larry gives Jeff a look] Larry: There may be some capers but I'm not sure. You can always brush them off, it's not a big deal. Jeff: Onions. [Larry gives Jeff another look] Ted: That sounds awful. Larry: What are you talking about? Ted: My sandwich is turkey, cole slaw, russian dressing. It's a classic. People come in and they order a "Ted Danson". Larry: Yeah but you're not there. You don't go in there. Ted: Yeah but people are used to my sandwich. All of a sudden they show up there and they're eating the "Ted Danson" sandwich, you know, all of a sudden has herring and lox.. Jeff: Capers..and onions. Larry: Hey, shut the fuck up! The Bowtie [5.2] Wanda: You know what's going on. Larry: Huh? Wanda: You have a racist dog. The dog hates black people! Cheryl: Wanda... Wanda: Larry, you train the dog to hate black people? Larry: No, I didn't train it to hate black people. Wanda: Has it barked at any white people? Cheryl: ...No, he's...he's... Larry: So he hasn't barked at any white people. Wanda: Exactly. Your dog is racist. Larry: Sheriff's racist? Wanda: "Sheriff"? That's a perfect name for a racist dog. Where'd you get this dog: the Klan meeting or something? Cheryl: Larry picked him out at the pound. Larry: The pound. Wanda: Sheriff, the fuckin' dog that eats black people. What the fuck, man? I'll tell you what, y'all stay here, pet your crazy-ass racist dog, but I am not bringing my black ass back up into this fucking "hotel" until y'all get rid of that fucking Klan dog. Gotta Klan dog! Lookin' at me like I'm a damn T-bone! The Christ Nail [5.3] [to the handyman] Larry: See this thing? It's a mezuzah. Got that? And I need you to put it over the door here. This is like a Jewish thing, you know, we put it over the door so every anti-Semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here in case they want to burn down the house. Kamikaze Bingo [5.4] [to Larry everytime he walks in to Hana Sushi] Chefs: Chicken Teriyaki Boy! Chicken Teriyaki Boy! Lewis Needs a Kidney [5.5] Nurse: I have good news, gentlemen. Both of your blood types are compatible with Mr Lewis for his kidney transplant. Jeff: Good night nurse. Nurse: Good night. Jeff: It's just a saying. Nurse: I've never heard of it. Jeff: It's an old one. Nurse: That's nice. Jeff: It is. Nurse: I know it is. Jeff: Do you? Nurse: Do you? Jeff: I do. Nurse: Good for you. Jeff: It is good for me. Nurse: Oh, you think so? Jeff: I know so. Nurse: I'm glad. Jeff: So am I. Nurse: That makes two of us. Jeff: So you say. Nurse: So I did. The Smoking Jacket [5.6] The Seder [5.7] Larry: I kinda invited [Rick] over to the seder, if you don't mind. Cheryl: You did? Larry: Yeah. Cheryl: Aww. Larry: I'm sorry. Cheryl: No, that's okay. Larry: Oh really? Cheryl: Well, he's alone. Larry: Oh, aren't you a doll. Cheryl: That's cute. I'm glad you made a new friend. That's nice. I don't hear that very often from you. Larry: Oh, and I forgot to mention, he's a sex offender. The Ski Lift [5.8] [Larry and Ben's daughter are stuck on a ski lift right before sunset] Ben's daughter: Somebody's gonna have to jump. Larry: Oh, stop. Ben's daughter: Stop what? I can't be with you here after sundown! There's no other way! Somebody's gonna have to jump! You're gonna have to jump! [Larry looks down] Ben's daughter: Are you gonna jump?! Larry: What are you, fuckin' nuts? Larry: You got the huge vagina and you're blaming it on the small penis. You know, it's not really necessary. Larry: Oh hey, there was a Mickey Mantle ball, his 500th home run, right over there, and it's missing. Have you seen it? Nurse: No, I have not. Larry: Hm. It's kinda curious given that nobody has been in the house, save for a few friends. Can a ball worth an excess of $20,000 just disappear into thin air? Nurse: You want to tell me what you're driving at? Larry: I'll tell you what I'm driving at! I submit that you took that baseball, stashed it in your unusually large vagina, and walked right on out of here! [Larry pretending to be Orthodox Jew to suck up to the guy in charge of organ donation] Larry: I was in the band, ok. The girls were pretty interested, you know, with the guitar. They liked that. Ben's daughter: Like a rock band? Larry: Jewish folk music, Jewish folk songs. Ben's daughter: Oh, like what songs? Larry: Um.."Gefilte Fish Blues".."My Freakin' Back is Killin' Me and It's Making It Hard to Kvell". Cheryl: What was the name of your band? Larry: The Hipsters..Larry David and The Hipsters. And then, I left The Hipsters and I just became Larry David. Larry: You know what? Nevermind, alright? I-I'll take my liver out! I'll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem! The Korean Bookie [5.9] Larry: I owe you money, okay? Song: Yes. Here we go. Larry: [checking his wallet] Okay...unbelievable...I'm out, I don't have any cash. Song: How come you never have cash, Larry? Larry: I'm sorry, Song, I'm sorry. Song: No, I see you on the- Larry: But listen! You know what I got? I got a check from Marla made out to me for $150, I'll sign it right over to you. Song: Okay, last time. Larry: Last time, Song. Song: Okay? 'Cuz I like you. Larry: Ok, I'm sorry, Song. Sorry. Song: I know where you live. [Larry is wearing a huge sun hat] Jeff: What's with the hat? Larry: What? I'm married. I can wear whatever I want. Jeff: It does look ridiculous. You look like you should be pulling a rickshaw of some sort. Larry: This is unbelievable! Jeff: I've never tasted anything like this. Larry: What is this dish? Caterer: Are you talking about this? It's pulgoki. The Korean florist brought it, it's delicious. [Larry's face turns to disgust] Larry: OHHH! OSCAR! THAT PULGOKI'S OSCAR!! YOU'RE EATING A DOG, YOU'RE EATING A DOG!! The End [5.10] Nurse: You're giving away a kidney. The recipient is going to love you, man. Larry: Really? Nurse: You gonna have your own personal slave, is what it is. You could be in China and sneeze and he'll bring you a tissue. Larry: Wow, that may be true with others, I don't think with him though. He wouldn't even loan me a putter, actually. Nurse: You're giving him a kidney, he wouldn't loan you his putter? Larry: Well, people get very attached to their golf clubs. It's understandable. Nurse: You're not attached to your kidney? That's fucked up, man. Larry: I have a system..I..I have a.. Category:Curb Your Enthusiasm seasons